As we kick off week five in Sydney, if I’m honest I don’t think we know what we think. Sure the city is beautiful and my work is going really well (I’m learning a lot in the role and the people are lovely) and now Phil has a job so he’s happy to be earning and meeting people, but will this be our forever city?

That’s where we’re stuck. I was feeling like absolute crap yesterday (shout out to Monday and being over 30 with a hangover) and originally wrote a far more negative post, if I’m honest, about how I didn’t want to live in Sydney forever, even long term. I messaged my sister (because I’d already driven Phil crazy with my questions and anxiety) [sidenote: I never thought I was a person who suffered from anxiety, but as I get older I feel like it’s starting to creep in] and she reiterated to me exactly what I already knew and exactly what Phil had already told me (bless him!). JUST CHILL WOMAN, IT’S WEEK FIVE. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE ALL YOUR LIFE PLANS IN ONE MONTH.

So after spending the afternoon browsing houses to buy all over the world I took a deep breath, ate some free cookies from the office kitchen and decided not to plan out my life for the next five years (even though that’s what I love to do). I always feel like I have to plan, because if I don’t *poof* a year has gone by and I feel like I’ve not achieved the 287 things I had intended to do that year. It feels like a wasted year. Maybe it’s the getting older bit? Life is flying by. I need to stop and smell the roses (or sea breeze) more often. I know my number one priority for the next 12 months and that’s what will be the main focus. The rest can happen or not happen and I’m not going to overthink it all or panic myself into an anxiety-ridden woman who scoffs Anzac biscuits all day and downs half a bottle of wine at night.

We do enjoy where we live in Sydney, unfortunately it’s just too pricey to buy a place. But as we get to know the area perhaps a new area will set our hearts a flutter? Or the idea of moving to little ol’ NZ may excite us, or even the call to return to big bad Britain.

Does anyone else feel like their life is flying before their eyes? Or perhaps sometimes it feels like it’s on hold? That’s just as bad. The waiting… I’ve never been good with patience. I want to know everything and do everything now. Like if I don’t, it will all get swallowed up in a furious landslide and I will have missed the golden moments of my life. It actually terrifies me. Clearly my ‘Calm’ meditation app is doing fuck all – maybe I should listen to it more than once every six months.

My personal goal for May is to slow down, breathe and take a walk in the sand and sea as many times as possible.

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