I ask you: what’s it’s purpose? Some say it shows you have great blood circulation – the fact you can grow hair all the way down at the bottom tip of your body. Well whoopee do. I find it more an annoyance than a miracle.

Many a time I’ve been lying on the beauticians treatment bed/table, legs akimbo, exposed to everyone in the room (just her and I) and thought as she ripped hairs from my nether regions and my eyes brim with tears from the pain, maybe I could ask her to do a quick job on my toesies? But I’ve not had the guts to do it, maybe it’s because of the vulnerable state I’m in when I think of it, until last week when I asked her BEFORE getting my knickers off. She had the gall to tell me it would be an extra fiver. A fiver, for fucking toes?! It’s not even all of them that annoy me, just the big ones. TWO TOES. I’d already asked the question, so didn’t have it in me to argue the price and just shrugged it off as if it was no bother. She did it. It was awkward, more awkward than when she did my vajayjay. It felt more intimate. I couldn’t look at her.

I don’t know if I could go through with that scenario again, so now I’m on the hunt for another solution. Let me just stop here and explain that when I talk about toe hair it’s not like I look like a hobbit, or even the equivalent of what men have. I just dislike it and worry that one day I’ll forget to tend to my toes, turn up for a pedicure and scare the poor woman painting my nails. How do you deal with it? Shaving is not an option in my opinion. Then it will resemble a hobbit. Perhaps some do at home waxing strips?

In winter it’s easier to get away with a little toe growth. Luckily my boyfriend doesn’t have a foot fetish. He’s never spotted me with hair on my toes, or maybe he’s just too lovely to ever say anything. Although I doubt the latter as he’s very quick to say should my legs be prickly.

Worst bit is that even though I went through the intimate terror with my waxing lady, for an extra £5, I know the hair will be back with vengeance. Maybe it’s time to suck it up and get IPL? I have thought of it before but every time I chicken out, wondering, what if I don’t want it gone forever? Forever is a long time. I know. I just need to make a fucking decision. And why would I ever want hair on my toes?!

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